Two days ago, I spoke with my older brother, T. We started with our normal conversation of life, he wants to move to Arizona, my nieces etc. Then he threw a curve ball at me, "Do you think we did the right thing with Dad?"
What? Why are you asking me this now, 5 years after he passed? Of course we did. He was on life support-something he specifically told us for years he never wanted to be on. All the doctors said was he would never fully recover, physically or more importantly mentally. He was half way gone already, you could see it in his eyes, he just wanted us to let him go.
Today, our dad would have been 75 years old. Five years ago, he was struggling to walk on his own, and eventually became dependent on a wheel chair. He could not shower on his own, or even clean himself after using the bathroom. He was miserable, and told all five of us that he was just waiting for the end. He had good days, where he was optimistic about life, however it was all sadly a dream in his head. He knew there was no real hope of a normal life again, he was in assisted living (another thing he hated) and was slowly loosing his mind.
I answered T, "You know we did the right thing. He would have killed us if he could because we let him stay on life support for a week."
"I know, I just miss him"
"I miss him too."
Silence. Quiet.
Happy Birthday Dad. We love you and miss you.
Forgive me if this shows up twice. I tried posting a comment once and it didn't look like it worked. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. Losing my daddy was one of the hardest experiences of my lifetime. It's been almost eleven years, and I still miss him like crazy. Thankfully, my sis and I didn't have to face the life support dilemma with either of our parents...that would have been so difficult.
ReplyDeleteStopping in from FMF linkup today. Glad I did so I can send you a virtual hug. Be blessed.
Lynette
~#117 on linkup
Such a hard thing! I imagine most children would still have that lingering question in the back of their minds, even if deep down they knew it was the right thing. Grief will do that to you. Thank you for sharing this glimpse into your story. So glad you linked up with FMF!
ReplyDeleteSuch a sad post, but shows your love for him too. Sometimes the greatest love requires the more difficult decisions, and you clearly did right and honored your father's wishes, even though it brought you pain and loss. Beautiful post!
ReplyDelete