James' Confirmation & First Communion & Mother's Day {Weekend}

This past weekend was definitely one of the busiest weekends we have had in a LONG time. I don't think our wedding weekend was nearly this jammed packed. Oh hey-on that note, my beloved Timothy and I have been married for 6 months today! Happy Anniversary my love!!

Our weekend started on Friday, when my very handsome son, James received two of his sacraments, his confirmation and first holy communion.
As Catholics, we are sealed with the holy spirit on our confirmation. We chose a saint whom we admire or have some special connection to, to pray for us and guide us in our life. James chose Saint George, who you may recognize by him fighting the dragon. I am pretty sure he chose this saint solely for the dragon component, after all he is in third grade. None the less, I firmly believe that God was guiding him in his choice, and it works for him.

After the mass, we went home and ate pizza. How else do you get six hungry and tired kids fed fast?


The next day, we had James' party to celebrate his sacraments.  We had amazing weather for May in sunny Phoenix Arizona. It was only 79 degree's and was absolutely beautiful. My parents were here along with James' Godmother and her husband. We celebrated with our family and close friends. Being the Italian mamma that I am, I made sure we had enough food to feed an army (which, really our family is a small army) and at the request of the man of the hour I made over 100 meatballs! My husband, keeping up with his mad cooking skills made about 10 pounds of pork butt. A-MAZ-ING.

After we filled our bellies with all this good food, we headed up to Scottsdale to the Butterfly Wonderland, which I had never been, and we soon found out that our darling Zoe is the butterfly whisperer! She had about 3 on her at once, which kind of freaked her out. These butterflies are beautiful, but I have to admit are kind of freaky, and I wasn't too comfortable when one landed on me either.

We then went to dinner with my parents and finally called it a night. We were all so tired, that we passed out pretty quickly.

The next day was a little less busy. We started the day by going to mass, which was really nice to go to mass with my mom. It had been 15 years since I had been with my mom on mothers day. Crazy, huh?

We were able to take a three generation picture, which had not been done since Zoe was 2 or 3.

We then met up with my step dad and had a late lunch at the most amazing place, Fogo de Chao. They basically bring you all of these delicious meats and cut them right there for you.  Defiantly not a place for vegetarians.

After we ate our fill, we took our food coma selves home to rest.

It was definitely a blessed weekend, and I am so happy we were able to spend it with our family!

Five Minute Friday {When}

So, I am back. I know it has been a while, and I guess you could say I was having a case of writers block. Actually, it was a combination of writers block and being busy.
I started a new job back in my field. I love it, although I am finding myself underestimating my ability. I was hired on as part of an expansion, and I have an amazing team, and an even more amazing boss. I am beating myself up at the end of the day because I feel like I have accomplished nothing, but I come back the next day with the previous day's work completed.

One of my new years resolutions was to write more. Now, that I have this magical thing called time (funny how now, working full time, having 6 kids and a husband, I seem to have the time) I am trying to commit to at least one blog post a week.

So here it is. Five Minute Friday. You can find out more about it by clicking here.

This weeks writing prompt is WHEN.

Ready. Set. Go.

When will I ever get my life together? This is a reoccurring theme that dances around in my head.  I just had a birthday (I am 33) and I feel like I should have more accomplished than I do.  When will I buy a house for my family to grow up in, and my husband and I to grow old in? When will I actually start loosing this weight that I have carried around for the past decade? When will I finish school? When...
When..
When God says it is time.
Why am I spending so much time worrying about the when will this happen, rather than making the plan to get the gears in motion? Why am I not living in the present, enjoying life, rather than worrying about the future and when things will happen?
Because I am not fully trusting God.

Wow-where did that last sentence come from? 
Maybe someone is trying to tell me something.
I am not going to wake up tomorrow in our dream house, back in a size 6, with another few babies in a crib.
It will take time, and God's will (especially on the last part of that one).
Everything takes time.
When will happen.

Until then...it's now.

Until next time.

The Holy Family {The Feast of The Holy Family}

In the Catholic church, the Feast of the Holy Family is relatively new, being added to the church calendar in 1921.  It was added to counteract the breakdown of what was happening to the family at the time, and still, nearly 100 years later.

That being said, it was not until last year that I really paid attention to the day. I am sure I had heard about it before, maybe in passing.  Last year, however, on the feast day (which was Dec 29-as it changes to be the first weekend after Christmas) was when my beloved husband proposed to me.  He says he did that on purpose, perhaps to ask for the extra intersession of the Holy Family to bring together ours. 

Family is complicated. No two families are alike. Some are big, some are small. Some have one parent, some have two. Some have step parents, some have grandparents being parents again.  Regardless of the make up of the family, they are still made by God.

In our family, we are always in a constant 'battle'. We are a blended family, and when children return from the other parents home,  we have to do our best to remain calm, and remember that they are living in a different world when they are not at home.  This is challenging, as we never want to speak poorly of the other parent, even though in our heads we want to just scream. Yet, it is not the children's fault and that is what I try to keep in mind when, for example they came home after their Christmas with their dad. All the expensive new toys they got, and I knew what was still wrapped under our humble tree, it is hard to hold back what I want to say. Instead, I pray silently in my head that the children learn to know Christ and His humble life.

They (the children) do take me by surprise though. On Christmas morning, they opened their few gifts that we and family got for them, and the few from Santa (yes we believe in Santa more on that another time), and they were over joyed and thankful. So maybe they do get the meaning after all. Maybe the time we spent focusing on our family, watching holiday movies together, playing family games, having dinner every night together and going to church as a family all pulled together.

Last night during the homily, our deacon spoke about families, and the challenges that families face in today's society to stay together.  Financial hardships, resisting the urge to "keep up" with everyone else. To take from one of my favorite bible verses, Philippians 4:12-13; "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
I know that our family, this verse is one we sometimes struggle with. It is hard to look at the situation, and say "I know we are going to be ok because God will not abandon us".
When we look at today's readings, we see that God keeps His promises to those who are faithful. During the homily when the deacon said "sometimes we wonder if God has abandoned us when we have been faithful" my husband let out a quiet sigh. I was thinking the same thing...ok God, what more do I need to do? Patience is not my highest virtue. It is easy for me to say "ok this is a test by God (God has been testing us for a long time, come on now, lets pass!) we need to figure out the lesson". I think the lesson is to rely more on God than on anything or anyone else.
It is discouraging when we think we are finally getting ahead, we are brought back down to be reminded that it is not that time, just yet. God isn't finished with this stage of our life.

So, maybe it was with God's intention that my husband proposed on the Feast of the Holy Family. That this family will follow the guideline of the most Holy family in our life. To stay faithful, and work for the Lord.

How Marriage Prep has changed my view on marriage (yes in a good way!)

11 years ago when I married my ex-husband, I didn't really put a lot of thought into what marriage was.  Most of my friends were married, and seemed happy, and my ex and I were pretty good friends, we thought we were in love, so getting married sounded like a good idea.  Add to that the military demands, and us not wanting to end our relationship, so of course the next logical step was to get married.  While I wanted a catholic wedding (key word there-wedding), I let that go when he told me he was not confirmed. I figured we could do it later. I never really put a lot of thought into the sacrament of marriage, just the wedding.
Fast forward: After 8 years of being married, in the strictly legal sense, we ended it.
Fast forward again to July 2013. I went back to the catholic church after a long conversation with God on my bathroom floor.  Shortly after I met my beloved, and on December 29, (the feast of the Holy Family none the less) he asked me to be his wife.

We started marriage prep a few month ago.  We started with the Compass financial program, a 9 week bible study, directed at managing money God's way. The blessings that poured from that small group has been amazing (more on that later), and the friends we have made are truly gifts from God.
About a month ago, we started FOCCUS and I realized while taking the first assessment, that had I done this over a decade ago, I would not have married my ex. Why? Because we would have been so incompatible, that I would hope we would have had the common sense to just end it.
Yet, when my beloved and I went back to see the compatibility-we were pleasantly surprised at how closely our answers matched.  Not saying that we are 100% the same, but in the areas that really count, we are on the same page.

Yesterday we went to the first of two marriage prep retreats. This one was on Saint John Paul the Great (how cool is that to call him that now!) "Theology of the Body". I had heard, mostly from my fiance about this, but having it spelled out in a simple format really brought it into a clear perspective of what sex really is.  Sex is when a couple (married, in the church) renews their vows. It is the word (the vows) made into flesh.
This also went into Natural Family Planning, or NFP.  It is not just when you are fertile, and when you should have sex to have a baby...it is so much more. It is to practice periods of abstinence with your spouse, and what that means as a couple.  Even though I cannot currently have more kids (again more on that later), I still want to take the full class, so my soon to be husband and I can fully appreciate each other in our marriage.

Before I started this journey of preparing for a Christ centered marriage, I thought marriage prep was going to be a recap of what it means to be in a catholic marriage, but it has become so much more. It has been a journey into my heart and soul. I never had my doubts that I am marrying the right man before, but now God has reaffirmed it ten thousand times over.
And for that I am truly blessed.

Parenting Plan and Forgiveness

Co-parenting is not easy.  Even if both parents get along and work with the children's  best interest, there can still be a small amount of pain or anger.  I will be the first to admit my ex husband and I do not get along at all.  There are pockets of time where we can have a civil phone conversation, or  maybe talk face to face, but 90% (or more) it ends up with at least one of us outraged at the other.

I cannot speak for my ex, but I know right now I am very angry.  I am angry because I hate the schedule we have now, and we have to adjust it because of several reasons, one being our own schedules have changed.  I am angry because two of the three nights a week that I already have the kids are packed tight with activities, and I feel that I deserve a night with nothing to do and just be with them.  Yet, I cannot just think of me. The way our divorce has read was that we would split the time 50/50 and in reality, I have been getting a bit more than half.
There is more to it than just the time. It is my anger towards him. Why is their homework never done when they are with him? Why does he start acting like an immature teenager when I ask to alter the schedule or if I decline when he asks me to take the kids on a night that is normally his?  I get angry from the stories the kids tell me when they are with him, the accusations and belittling comments he makes to me. I get angry if I think about all the times he has wronged me over the past decade plus, and how many times I have been "nice" to him, not taking him to the cleaners or taking the house.
I get angry that I was so fed up with him that I gave him everything, and all I get in return is a little more than 1/2 of the time with my own children.

In Matthew 18: 21-35, Peter asks Jesus how many times we must forgive the ones who sin against us.  Peter asks "seven times?" and Jesus replies "No, seventy seven times!" and goes on to tell the story of the king who forgave his servants debts. However when that servant was owed a much smaller amount by another servant, he did not forgive. The king caught wind of this and threw him in jail. How could he show mercy, when the man could not show mercy himself?  How can we ask God to forgive us if we aren't willing to forgive others?

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do.  We don't want to forgive, we want the person to suffer. Yet, forgiveness is not really about the other person, it is about us. To forgive is to become closer to God, to walk the path that Christ took. We feel like when we do this, if we keep turning the other cheek, that we are only going to allow ourselves to be beat up on. That we will allow ourselves to become doormats, and just allow others to walk all over us.

There is a difference between forgiveness and setting boundaries.  We still must set boundaries for ourselves. This is a complex ordeal in it's own.  We have to learn when to say no, and when to say "I have been allowing you to hurt me for so long, and now it stops". This doesn't mean we seek revenge.  Sometimes the best "revenge" is to just forgive and move on. Let the other person go from your heart. Holding a grudge is not forgiveness, it only allows you to remain angry.

I think about this and wonder why do I allow my ex to keep this anger inside me? Why can I not forgive him and let the burden of bitterness and rage go? Ephesians 4:31 tells us "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you"
Look at how powerful that is! Every form of malice. All revenge seeking, all anger, all horrible thoughts. Be kind and compassionate.  Forgiving each other as God Forgave you.  

When we are truly sorry for our sins, we seek forgiveness from the Lord through confession. Confession has this bad rap of being an extremely terrifying sacrament.  We feel as though we are going to have a scarlet letter upon us when we go to confession. Who will see you there, what will the priest think? What if we are given some God awful penance?

I am notorious for making sure I go to confession to the priest I normally do not see.  If there is a visiting priest, all the better.  Why? Because I am friends with one of our priests and I do not want him to think less of me. I feel like I am some sort of saint, the next Mother Theresa, or at least that is how I want to appear to be.
Yet..."Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future"

So, how can we become saints? The Holy Father tells us that we are all called to be saints.  Forgiveness I believe is one of the first steps. We must be able to forgive.

With all that in mind, and careful prayer over the past few days, I have prepared myself for what is to come with my parenting plan and my ex. I am not going to have my kids as often as I do now, yet I will still have my equal share.  I am still angry, don't get me wrong, and I am far from forgiving him, but I am taking the first steps, and I encourage you, whomever is being held on to by your anger and bitterness, to start by taking the small first step of considering forgiveness, and praying for the grace to be able to do so.