The Holy Family {The Feast of The Holy Family}

In the Catholic church, the Feast of the Holy Family is relatively new, being added to the church calendar in 1921.  It was added to counteract the breakdown of what was happening to the family at the time, and still, nearly 100 years later.

That being said, it was not until last year that I really paid attention to the day. I am sure I had heard about it before, maybe in passing.  Last year, however, on the feast day (which was Dec 29-as it changes to be the first weekend after Christmas) was when my beloved husband proposed to me.  He says he did that on purpose, perhaps to ask for the extra intersession of the Holy Family to bring together ours. 

Family is complicated. No two families are alike. Some are big, some are small. Some have one parent, some have two. Some have step parents, some have grandparents being parents again.  Regardless of the make up of the family, they are still made by God.

In our family, we are always in a constant 'battle'. We are a blended family, and when children return from the other parents home,  we have to do our best to remain calm, and remember that they are living in a different world when they are not at home.  This is challenging, as we never want to speak poorly of the other parent, even though in our heads we want to just scream. Yet, it is not the children's fault and that is what I try to keep in mind when, for example they came home after their Christmas with their dad. All the expensive new toys they got, and I knew what was still wrapped under our humble tree, it is hard to hold back what I want to say. Instead, I pray silently in my head that the children learn to know Christ and His humble life.

They (the children) do take me by surprise though. On Christmas morning, they opened their few gifts that we and family got for them, and the few from Santa (yes we believe in Santa more on that another time), and they were over joyed and thankful. So maybe they do get the meaning after all. Maybe the time we spent focusing on our family, watching holiday movies together, playing family games, having dinner every night together and going to church as a family all pulled together.

Last night during the homily, our deacon spoke about families, and the challenges that families face in today's society to stay together.  Financial hardships, resisting the urge to "keep up" with everyone else. To take from one of my favorite bible verses, Philippians 4:12-13; "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
I know that our family, this verse is one we sometimes struggle with. It is hard to look at the situation, and say "I know we are going to be ok because God will not abandon us".
When we look at today's readings, we see that God keeps His promises to those who are faithful. During the homily when the deacon said "sometimes we wonder if God has abandoned us when we have been faithful" my husband let out a quiet sigh. I was thinking the same thing...ok God, what more do I need to do? Patience is not my highest virtue. It is easy for me to say "ok this is a test by God (God has been testing us for a long time, come on now, lets pass!) we need to figure out the lesson". I think the lesson is to rely more on God than on anything or anyone else.
It is discouraging when we think we are finally getting ahead, we are brought back down to be reminded that it is not that time, just yet. God isn't finished with this stage of our life.

So, maybe it was with God's intention that my husband proposed on the Feast of the Holy Family. That this family will follow the guideline of the most Holy family in our life. To stay faithful, and work for the Lord.

Parenting Plan and Forgiveness

Co-parenting is not easy.  Even if both parents get along and work with the children's  best interest, there can still be a small amount of pain or anger.  I will be the first to admit my ex husband and I do not get along at all.  There are pockets of time where we can have a civil phone conversation, or  maybe talk face to face, but 90% (or more) it ends up with at least one of us outraged at the other.

I cannot speak for my ex, but I know right now I am very angry.  I am angry because I hate the schedule we have now, and we have to adjust it because of several reasons, one being our own schedules have changed.  I am angry because two of the three nights a week that I already have the kids are packed tight with activities, and I feel that I deserve a night with nothing to do and just be with them.  Yet, I cannot just think of me. The way our divorce has read was that we would split the time 50/50 and in reality, I have been getting a bit more than half.
There is more to it than just the time. It is my anger towards him. Why is their homework never done when they are with him? Why does he start acting like an immature teenager when I ask to alter the schedule or if I decline when he asks me to take the kids on a night that is normally his?  I get angry from the stories the kids tell me when they are with him, the accusations and belittling comments he makes to me. I get angry if I think about all the times he has wronged me over the past decade plus, and how many times I have been "nice" to him, not taking him to the cleaners or taking the house.
I get angry that I was so fed up with him that I gave him everything, and all I get in return is a little more than 1/2 of the time with my own children.

In Matthew 18: 21-35, Peter asks Jesus how many times we must forgive the ones who sin against us.  Peter asks "seven times?" and Jesus replies "No, seventy seven times!" and goes on to tell the story of the king who forgave his servants debts. However when that servant was owed a much smaller amount by another servant, he did not forgive. The king caught wind of this and threw him in jail. How could he show mercy, when the man could not show mercy himself?  How can we ask God to forgive us if we aren't willing to forgive others?

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do.  We don't want to forgive, we want the person to suffer. Yet, forgiveness is not really about the other person, it is about us. To forgive is to become closer to God, to walk the path that Christ took. We feel like when we do this, if we keep turning the other cheek, that we are only going to allow ourselves to be beat up on. That we will allow ourselves to become doormats, and just allow others to walk all over us.

There is a difference between forgiveness and setting boundaries.  We still must set boundaries for ourselves. This is a complex ordeal in it's own.  We have to learn when to say no, and when to say "I have been allowing you to hurt me for so long, and now it stops". This doesn't mean we seek revenge.  Sometimes the best "revenge" is to just forgive and move on. Let the other person go from your heart. Holding a grudge is not forgiveness, it only allows you to remain angry.

I think about this and wonder why do I allow my ex to keep this anger inside me? Why can I not forgive him and let the burden of bitterness and rage go? Ephesians 4:31 tells us "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you"
Look at how powerful that is! Every form of malice. All revenge seeking, all anger, all horrible thoughts. Be kind and compassionate.  Forgiving each other as God Forgave you.  

When we are truly sorry for our sins, we seek forgiveness from the Lord through confession. Confession has this bad rap of being an extremely terrifying sacrament.  We feel as though we are going to have a scarlet letter upon us when we go to confession. Who will see you there, what will the priest think? What if we are given some God awful penance?

I am notorious for making sure I go to confession to the priest I normally do not see.  If there is a visiting priest, all the better.  Why? Because I am friends with one of our priests and I do not want him to think less of me. I feel like I am some sort of saint, the next Mother Theresa, or at least that is how I want to appear to be.
Yet..."Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future"

So, how can we become saints? The Holy Father tells us that we are all called to be saints.  Forgiveness I believe is one of the first steps. We must be able to forgive.

With all that in mind, and careful prayer over the past few days, I have prepared myself for what is to come with my parenting plan and my ex. I am not going to have my kids as often as I do now, yet I will still have my equal share.  I am still angry, don't get me wrong, and I am far from forgiving him, but I am taking the first steps, and I encourage you, whomever is being held on to by your anger and bitterness, to start by taking the small first step of considering forgiveness, and praying for the grace to be able to do so.

P.U.S.H

Pray Until Something Happens.But-know when it does!
I heard this story a while ago, and it always makes me laugh;

While out to sea, a large boat became shipwrecked and there was only a single survivor. This man prayed and asked God to save his life. Soon thereafter, another boat came by and offered the man some help.

"No thanks," he said. "I'm waiting for God to save me."

The men on the boat shrugged their shoulders and continued. As the man became more deeply concerned, another boat came by. Again, the people aboard offered this man some help, and again he politely decline. "I'm waiting for God to save me," he said again.

After some time, the man began to lose his faith, and soon after that he died. Upon reaching Heaven, he had a chance to speak with God briefly.

"Why did you let me die? Why didn't you answer my prayers?"

"Dummy, I sent you two boats!" 

 So often, we are like the drowning man.  We are in a perilous situation, we pray for help, and it arrives, but now how we think it will, so we ignore it and let it pass.

I have been out to sea for a few years now, my ship is almost destroyed, and I am clinging on for dear life...
There are times when I wonder if God is punishing me or testing me. Maybe just trying to teach me a lesson.  I am not sure what that is just yet, but I am praying more and more for ....something.
Not too long ago, I had a really good job. Granted I hated my boss, and the job was beyond boring.  Yet, I did my best (although in hindsight I could have done more), and after four and half years of working for the company, I was let go.  I spent two months unemployed, living off of savings. Then I took a job, mostly because I needed a job, not because it was what I wanted.  After three months of things just not going they way I had expected, I left (there is more to that story, but not now).
The day I left my job, I went to a career fair and the next day was hired on to a law firm. I am supposed to start Monday. I would be lying if I said I am having a lot of second thoughts about it. It is not a job I necessarily want, although I am trying to figure out if it is this dang depression that is holding me back or if I really shouldn't even start.
Is it my ideal job? No. Is it a job? Yes. Is it going to pay me more than unemployment? Yes.  Will it be worth it? I don't know.

Last year in a bible study I was in, we talked about how work is a blessing.  I remember thinking then how thankful I was to have a job.  My ex husband has not worked in over three years. I don't know how he really feels about it, but I do know that if you allow yourself to get comfortable unemployed, you are more likely to stay that way.  Is that what is happening to me? Did I get comfortable? Yes it was nice to be with my kids all day over summer vacation. Even this past week with them on fall break has been fun.  But the reality is; I need a job. My boat is sinking, remember? And I cannot control everything, but I can control a few things, one being work.
I think of Proverbs 14:23 (this is the NIV translation, because it is easier to read) "All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty".  All hard work brings profit.  To me, money is not important. Sadly though it is a necessary evil, but we need it to survive.

So, what do you do when you aren't enjoying your job?  That is what I think is killing me, because it is not what I want to do.  In Ecclesiastes 3:22 it is said  "So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them" , and John 6:27 says "Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval". Shouldn't I wait to find a job that will bring me joy and serve God? But what do I do in the meantime? 1 Corinthians 4:12 tells us "We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it"...in lamer terms, it is still a blessing to work. 

When I think about the interview I had (and when I was at the career fair), clearly they saw something in me. The man who hired me told me at the interview that he wanted to hire me the day before, but I needed to do a formal interview. Obviously, I have what it takes. I just can't psych myself out about it.  I need to remember that God is on my side, and He brought me to this door...now I need to open it and step through it with confidence.it is a blessing to work.

  It may not be the door I wanted open right now, but I do not know what God has planned for me for later on, and this may just be a place of in between while I finish my degrees.  

Back to my sinking ship and God sending help.  I am in a position where I need to move probably by the end of this month (seriously, when it rains, it POURS).  I have been put in contact with a lady who is renting out a house in a town nearby.  It again, is not ideally close to where I am now (which is near my kids schools), but it is a house...not an apartment. Again, I think this is God sending me help, I just need to stop being scared and take the blessing. The landlord is working so much with me, it is not really that far from where I live now, and it is a good area.  My hesitation is my own, and I think, I should move first and then start working, but then I think "how am I going to pay for this?" and again, God is working, not me. I just need to take the blessing...
Take the blessing.
With a gracious and humble heart-take the blessing. 

For Jesus walked out to them in the storm-and that is another thing to remember. Jesus did not STOP the storm. He walked out to them in the storm. 

While out to sea, a large boat became shipwrecked and there was only a single survivor. This man prayed and asked God to save his life. Soon thereafter, another boat came by and offered the man some help.

"No thanks," he said. "I'm waiting for God to save me."

The men on the boat shrugged their shoulders and continued. As the man became more deeply concerned, another boat came by. Again, the people aboard offered this man some help, and again he politely decline. "I'm waiting for God to save me," he said again.

After some time, the man began to lose his faith, and soon after that he died. Upon reaching Heaven, he had a chance to speak with God briefly.

"Why did you let me die? Why didn't you answer my prayers?"

"Dummy, I sent you two boats!" - See more at: http://www.spiritual-short-stories.com/spiritual-short-story-101-Drowning+Man.html#sthash.FdK1iCR3.dpuf

While out to sea, a large boat became shipwrecked and there was only a single survivor. This man prayed and asked God to save his life. Soon thereafter, another boat came by and offered the man some help.

"No thanks," he said. "I'm waiting for God to save me."

The men on the boat shrugged their shoulders and continued. As the man became more deeply concerned, another boat came by. Again, the people aboard offered this man some help, and again he politely decline. "I'm waiting for God to save me," he said again.

After some time, the man began to lose his faith, and soon after that he died. Upon reaching Heaven, he had a chance to speak with God briefly.

"Why did you let me die? Why didn't you answer my prayers?"

"Dummy, I sent you two boats!" - See more at: http://www.spiritual-short-stories.com/spiritual-short-story-101-Drowning+Man.html#sthash.FdK1iCR3.dpuf

While out to sea, a large boat became shipwrecked and there was only a single survivor. This man prayed and asked God to save his life. Soon thereafter, another boat came by and offered the man some help.

"No thanks," he said. "I'm waiting for God to save me."

The men on the boat shrugged their shoulders and continued. As the man became more deeply concerned, another boat came by. Again, the people aboard offered this man some help, and again he politely decline. "I'm waiting for God to save me," he said again.

After some time, the man began to lose his faith, and soon after that he died. Upon reaching Heaven, he had a chance to speak with God briefly.

"Why did you let me die? Why didn't you answer my prayers?"

"Dummy, I sent you two boats!" - See more at: http://www.spiritual-short-stories.com/spiritual-short-story-101-Drowning+Man.html#sthash.FdK1iCR3.dpuf

While out to sea, a large boat became shipwrecked and there was only a single survivor. This man prayed and asked God to save his life. Soon thereafter, another boat came by and offered the man some help.

"No thanks," he said. "I'm waiting for God to save me."

The men on the boat shrugged their shoulders and continued. As the man became more deeply concerned, another boat came by. Again, the people aboard offered this man some help, and again he politely decline. "I'm waiting for God to save me," he said again.

After some time, the man began to lose his faith, and soon after that he died. Upon reaching Heaven, he had a chance to speak with God briefly.

"Why did you let me die? Why didn't you answer my prayers?"

"Dummy, I sent you two boats!" - See more at: http://www.spiritual-short-stories.com/spiritual-short-story-101-Drowning+Man.html#sthash.FdK1iCR3.dpuf

While out to sea, a large boat became shipwrecked and there was only a single survivor. This man prayed and asked God to save his life. Soon thereafter, another boat came by and offered the man some help.

"No thanks," he said. "I'm waiting for God to save me."

The men on the boat shrugged their shoulders and continued. As the man became more deeply concerned, another boat came by. Again, the people aboard offered this man some help, and again he politely decline. "I'm waiting for God to save me," he said again.

After some time, the man began to lose his faith, and soon after that he died. Upon reaching Heaven, he had a chance to speak with God briefly.

"Why did you let me die? Why didn't you answer my prayers?"

"Dummy, I sent you two boats!" - See more at: http://www.spiritual-short-stories.com/spiritual-short-story-101-Drowning+Man.html#sthash.FdK1iCR3.dpuf